Eye contact is one of the easiest forms of body language to use, but one of the most difficult to master. Good eye contact sends good vibes to others and makes you seem interested (and interesting!), while bad eye contact can make you seem distant and uninterested, and can even offend others. For some people, social anxiety can cause eye contact to be a painful experience, but that doesn’t make it any less crucial to master!
Here’s 5 1/2 tips for getting on the road to mastering eye contact:
1. Do make eye contact. Avoiding eye contact with somebody, especially when you are engaged in conversation, with is a huge no-no. It is equivalent to saying “I don’t really want to interact with you, and I really don’t care about what you’re saying” You may not actually be thinking these things, but your body language is saying this for you.
If you find it difficult or even uncomfortable to make eye contact with others, which is a very common anxiety, there a few hacks you can try to work around it. The easiest is to look at another part of the person’s face, such as a cheek or their brow. This gives the impression that you are making eye contact, but is easier because you are not looking them directly in the eye, which is difficult for some people. Other trick is to stare “through” the person, much like those “magic eye” images from back in the day. Look in the direction of the person you are talking to, but relax your focus so that you are fixed on something “behind” the person. Again, you appear to be making eye contact, but your focus is elsewhere, making it easier. Just be careful your eyes don’t glaze over!
2. Don’t stare! Make eye contact, but break it up occasionally by looking away, at your drink, or whatever (just don’t look at your watch!).
A Catch-22 if there ever was one, there’s a delicate balance between making too little and too much eye contact! Keeping an unbroken stare on somebody can give off some vibes you may not intend. Depending on the context, you may be interpreted as in disagreement with what is being said, as being hostile towards the other person, or just as plain creepy!
3. Mimic the speaker’s level and intensity of eye contact. If you have problems with how much eye contact to give somebody, this is a great trick.
Somebody who is talking about casually about some lighter topic maintains a more casual, relaxed level of eye contact. A person talking about a topic they are very interested maintains a different, more intense level of eye contact. Whatever the speaker does, mimic it while listening, and use it when you’re speaking. This is a great technique as it makes you appear more engaged in the conversation, even if you are not talking!
4. Don’t scan. When you are talking with somebody, you need not engage them in a staring contest, but don’t be looking around the room while they are talking (or while you’re talking to them).
This gives off the same signals as avoiding eye contact does: you appear disinterested in the other person and are looking for a reason to leave. This is probably not the case (as you wouldn’t have gotten into the conversation with them in the first place), so be sure to keep your attention focused on who you are talking with.
5. Acknowledge it when you make eye contact with somebody. I’m talking about you, Mr./Ms. “oops, we made eye contact so I’ll look in the opposite direction so it looks like I was just looking around!”
Making eye contact with somebody is just that; you’ve made contact with them. Recognize that internally, and acknowledge that externally. Depending on the situation, this may mean a quick smile or nod, a simple “hi” or “how you doing,” or even starting up a conversation. Whatever you do, don’t just ignore that you’ve made eye contact with somebody. It’ s a sure-fire way to insult somebody from across a room, as it’s the same as saying “Yeah I see you, but I don’t feel you’re worthy of more of my attention.”
5 1/2. Practice, practice, practice!
This is only half a tip because it applies to almost anything in life. Eye contact is a tough thing to master, and can be even tougher if you wait until when it counts to practice it. I recommend practicing it in “easier” social situations, such as with shopkeepers, cashiers or wait staff at a restaurant. Make a conscious effort to make eye contact with these kinds of people. They are usually less intimidating than a random stranger, as it is their job to greet you and be hospitable to you. You may never have put much thought into your interactions with these sorts of people, but it’s a great way to build the foundation for making good eye contact with others!
Anyway, hope that was helpful for you! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think!